


It's quiet here

by bedeliarara



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slice of Life, theres not that much angst going on but u know when those things come and go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 09:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8573317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bedeliarara/pseuds/bedeliarara
Summary: The others are out doing their own things, Daehyun's left alone in silence.So,How did he end up in front of Yongguk's apartment door in the middle of the night?





	

Maybe he is wrong, maybe there is something comforting in silence.

Daehyun always assumes that he cannot survive on his own, not anymore.

He’s not going to _die_ if he is left alone, but god, does he feel anxious. Does he feel scared... Paranoia would be too dramatic to describe it, but fear seems far too simple. Because it feels like every time one of _them_ walks out of those doors there’s a large probability they wouldn’t come back.

 

Them moving out is different, seeing Junhong’s snaps of him panicking in his old bedroom because he forgot to pack his underwear is actually quite cute, his family is warm and caring, and every time he visits the dorm (which is often, let’s face it, Daehyun is not the only one that can’t deal with not hearing those other five voices in the background) he always comes back with some leftover homemade food for the others, and Junhong’s mother made the best stew.

 

But… on nights when Himchan and Jongup would go out on their dates or when Youngjae would hop into his friend’s car at one in the morning, Daehyun would lay there awake. The silence of his bedroom offers no comfort, the privacy he longs for so much in the past turns out to be quite dull and boring.

 

Strangely, sometimes he wakes up from the _silence_. He would sit on the toilet with the lid close, listening to music and opens the small window above him to let the smoke out, the cigarette burning slowly between his fingers. Sometimes he sits there for five minutes, enough only for a single stick to burn out and nothing more, he promised to quit after all. But some nights when the clock turn to five and Youngjae hasn’t walked through those doors yet, he would finish a whole pack, he would be covered in the disgusting smell of cigarette and there will be some grey specks on his hair.

 

And then, some nights it would be like this.

When he got so worked up-- five miscalls to each himchan’s and jongup’s phone at two in the morning even though he knows they’re probably lounging somewhere, safe and just enjoying themselves. It’s not that the dorm isn’t safe, but being lovers in the environment shared between close friends just doesn’t click right somehow. It’s not... intimate enough, not romantic. Himchan would probably take Jongup to a fine hotel, drink their finest wine, have sex on soft plush bed that smells like roses. While Jongup would take him to watch midnight movies, take him for a walk, sleeping in a decent enough hotel that has bad food, but a good view of the city blocks buzzing below.

 

Youngjae too… he’s probably in some karaoke right now, singing his heart out with their other friends who’s schedules are less dense than theirs, those will be his special nights, when they’re not so worn out from broadcast or practice. Right, he shouldn’t intrude, not on Himchan and Jongup or Youngjae. He fucking shouldn’t.

 

They’re all adults now... they need spaces to grow, to think for themselves. Being close with their members are great, they spent a large chuck of their adult lives together, but there are times when…

Oh Daehyun, get a hold of yourself. He doesn’t know why he feels this way, he should stop, should stop right now, go back to the dorms and drink beer until he's too sleepy to get out of bed. He scold himself at the dorm, when he's _out_ of the dorm and on the way, or on the flight of stairs to this _**particular** _ door.

 

    Wait. Why the fuck is he here? Why does he have to be this pathetic?

 

He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t calm down. His logic knows his members wouldn’t hate him for coming to them, hell, they probably wish he would’ve come sooner. But there’s a ghost in front of his logic, bigger and stronger than any reasoning his brain could conjure up. It is his fear, his… longing.

 

_Nothing but a burden_ , his ghost would whisper to him. _Look at you, an adult, the third oldest, and yet acting like a child whining for comfort after the slightest discomfort_.

 

And part of that is true, isn’t it?   
Yeah, of course, Himchan and Jongup are inseparable, but Jongup has no problem living his life casually when Himchan is away, sometimes even for a whole week, Jongup would be as calm and collected as normal. Same with Youngjae, when Daehyun went back to his hometown for a week and he was alone at the dorms, the little shit threw a small party, gathering with his other friends, and Zelo, for the weekend, and when he has nothing else to do he—well, he got the point. 

Unlike the others he’s needy, **useless** on his own, the furthest thing from independent.

 

 

For the longest time, he had been standing there, in front of the door, fingers hovering on the doorbell.

 

“I brought extra keys—” Daehyun suck in a breath when the door suddenly opens, light floods his body that was shrouded by the quiet blue shade of the night outside.

They look identical... but they’re not the same, by his presence alone Daehyun could tell, and then by the small physical differences of the twins. Daehyun let out a breath when Yongnam tilt his head and carefully study the other, confused and a little bit surprised. “Hello?” The little greeting snap Daehyun out of his trance and he step back enough to nod his head sheepishly, his hand rubbing his neck in nervousness. “Is there an emergency?” The similar deep voice asked and Daehyun quickly shook his head.

 

He spills out the first excuse that came to his head. _‘Have things to discuss, work stuff, I can’t wait till tomorrow and I know he’s still awake, sorry to bother you so late.’_ And the other took it casually, dismissing his apology and saying that it’s all good, Yongnam, obviously out for some casual meeting with his friends, left and disappears down the stairs.

 

Daehyun stands there, a bit stunned, hand still on the handle of the door, the warmth from inside seeping to his digits, up his wrist and to his arm, inviting him in. He knows by now that walking in alone won’t be considered rude anymore, but he still worries. 

He stepped inside, and saw him there, with a surprisingly adorable sweater on, glasses hanging low on the bridge of his nose, a few papers on his left hand, and a glass of… not alcohol, maybe some tea? Probably coffee, on his right. 

“What’s wrong? Oh.” He looked up, probably expecting to see his brother as the source of the footsteps but ends up seeing Daehyun instead.

 

Despite the turmoil raging inside of him, Daehyun knows their leader is going through much worse. _What kind of monster are you? Coming here… looking to lay down your problems on him when he’s struggling on his own. You’re selfish. What you’re going through is a **fraction** of what he has to deal on a daily basis and yet, YOU came here anyway, and yet, your **selfish** , insensitive self still thinks that it’s okay to talk to him? How pathetic and **cruel** can you get? _

The ghost haunts him, his whispers louder.

 

_‘Perhaps… you should also go… to a… professional?’_ He remembered Youngjae asking, subtly, over pizza and beer while they were watching some reruns on TV, it was nice of him, picking a time he knows Daehyun would be most relaxed. But the message hurts nonetheless even though he knows perfectly that his bestfriend wants only the best for him. **_Daehyun, you’re sick too._ **

 

He was so lost in his thoughts, in the whispers of his ghost, that he missed the question Yongguk gave him. ‘What’s the matter?’ Was the first one, a few seconds after that, he continued. ‘…Are you alright?’ But both went unanswered, and like the leader that he is, he understood, without words, without as much as an eye contact.

 

He knows, but he doesn’t understand just how bad it is yet.

Few things comforts Daehyun, and as Yongguk takes off his glasses and closed his laptop, he made a mental check on all of them. Food, music, alcohol, and?

 

Well, food comes first, it’s the easiest way to forget when you just don’t want to talk, he may not be an expert, but this, he knows. Yongguk stands up, those round eyes suddenly focus on him, at first, he couldn’t read anything, and he wasn’t focusing that much either. “I have absolutely nothing on the fridge.” He said with a small chuckle, his tone still light, this is just one of those quiet visits Daehyun does sometimes when no one else is in the dorms, it’s normal. 

There’s a seven eleven just around the corner. He has a few bills in his pocket, no need to get his wallet, Yongguk was already listing on some food and beer, when the sound of his feet sliding into his shoes seems to snap something inside of Daehyun. 

 

But then Daehyun's voice rings loud in his quiet apartment.

“Don’t—DON’T!” You'd think he was shouting for someone not to press the trigger of a gun from how panicked he sounded. Yongguk turned around at the urgency, fuck- what’s wrong dae—?

 

Yongguk was half stunned half confused when Daehyun’s arms curled tight around his middle. “Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.” Words whispered like mantra, Daehyun wasn’t shivering or anything, but god his heart thumped so hard Yongguk could feel it on his chest; like a duet they matched, slow and steady, fast and panicked.

 

“Don’t- Don’t, _don’t_ —”

 

Daehyun is still standing, his knees didn’t wobble, if anything, he’s stiff as a board, hands gripping onto Yongguk as if the leader would wash away like a boat in a storm even though he knows Yongguk’s more like a rock in a shore, still and strong against the current.

 

Daehyun was not failing, but at that time, he feels like, without Yongguk’s hand keeping him upright, keeping him steady, he would drown in the waves too. Unlike Yongguk, who managed to keep upright in his sea with the therapy and the meds, Daehyun can easily be tipped to the side and be swallowed whole by the current.   

Drowning… Drowning…

 

 

***

 

 

He hates… Silence.

It gives a pause in his hectic brain.

They used to be together, working and practicing and recording until they couldn’t physically open their eyes. It was torture… but at least in that hell, he could see him all the time, see _them_ , despite the cutting words or annoyance, when he couldn’t get a dance right or couldn’t reach a note, scolded by their teachers. Yongguk’s voice would follow right after, reassuring him. There won’t be any comforting hugs like the kind Himchan gives, but there will be a pat on his back, and the warmth Yongguk’s hand imprinted on his shirt, warms him up better than the worn jacket he had on.  

 

They’re not so busy now, not jammed in a small house with five other men, but Yongguk brought all the silent comfort his presence brings out with him through that door, he missed it, he _missed_ it, **he missed it.**

 

And he let it all out that night, like a drunken stupor his mood would swing violently, one second he would be silent, arms wrapped around his shoulders, head on his neck, enjoying the pleasure. The next moment he would be begging Yongguk to stop, and when the leader did after he said that, Daehyun would burst again, he would ramble on how Himchan and Jongup didn’t return his calls, on how when they _do_ message him back, saying that they had forgotten their phones in their bags when they went out to watch a movie, it wasn’t comfort the vocalist got but only guilt. He had disturbed them, his bandmates, whom he loved and cherished but he kept pestering them, intruding on their life even when they’re out enjoying the comfort of a steady, albeit secret, relationship he himself haven’t gotten the pleasure of experiencing.

 

After he finished rambling, came the sobs, and the comforting, and then the cycle would start again.

 

They spent hours awake, Yongguk’s bed smells like him and it’s warm and peaceful but both of them had too much coffee to enjoy sleep, so they didn’t hurry. One hour turn into three, and during the breaks of their intimate affairs they would clean up, thinking that this will be the last of the night, but then Daehyun would tear up again, he’d pretend to be asleep again, and Yongguk would kiss the tears away, again. His fingers gripped red and his arms scratched raw, because Daehyun refuse the pleasure of foreplay and force the other to come closer, _closer_ , **_closer_** , **_now_**!

 

And Yongguk obeyed. 

But don’t misunderstand, he’s not a mindless body who’s just there to provide comfort, he cares for Daehyun, he doesn’t look down on him, because Yongguk acknowledges that _this_ brings him comfort too. Daehyun is soft and firm on all the right places, he’s warmer than he is, smells better than he is, and his sleepy rambling helps Yongguk to compartmentalize, what’s real and what’s not, help him focus on one person and one person only.

 

       It wasn’t till hours later that Daehyun decide to stop slowly riding his cock and climbs off his lap. Daehyun didn’t have another orgasm, but this is their third round anyway so he didn’t think it’s that important, the younger vocalist carefully lay himself on his side, another used condom is thrown to the garbage and Daehyun wipe his crotch and bottom on the now half dried damp towel before laying his head on the Yongguk’s arm. Are they going to have sex again? Probably not, maybe if he somehow got even more aroused, but his erection is less of arousal and more from physical aftermath. He’s just enjoying the glow, the smell and the warmth.

 

Daehyun had calmed down significantly, a bit from the mental comfort of having Yongguk next to him, from the buzz of orgasms, and the soothing aftermath that comes after. They both went to sleep fairly quickly, Daehyun pulling the blanket over the both of them.

 

When he woke, it was sixteen minutes to five in the morning. Daehyun woke up, his eyes were swollen, his throat dry, his bottom and the muscles of his legs aches though not that much. The room is still dead quiet, the roads down below still fairly empty, outside, sometimes he could hear a door opening and closing, and a shuffling around, he got reminded that Yongnam lives here too, and is thankful that he wasn’t present earlier, where he could’ve heard Daehyun’s tears.

 

Even this early in the morning, his ghost is already whispering to him. _Pathetic_. It says, again and again, reminding him of the sex, no matter how beautiful it was, not matter how pleasurable and reassuring it was, that it was still _wrong_. And deep in his mind he agrees, but not completely, because is it true, through? Was he really just another charity case for the compassionate older?

 

Yongguk was aroused by him, he had whispered it himself earlier in the night, when Daehyun had bit his lip and blindly stutter out how much he needs him closer, and after that, deeper, harder. How the way Daehyun had kissed him and stroke him and take his cock in his mouth that it was the, and he quote “best blowjob he ever had”. He knows he’s sexually appealing, for both men and women, tall and handsome enough for the ladies, and soft and curvy enough for the men, he knows that Yongguk takes pleasure in his random night visits too, when he’d be so willing for the leader, the sting of his cock pushing inside him with minimal stretching and too much lube is nothing that deter either of them. He knows, he just knows. Yongguk likes the sex, but is that enough justification?

 

He **begs** his mind to stop thinking, when Yongguk’s low hum breaks the silence, he quickly pet his hair to lull him back to deep sleep. But oh… it’s so quiet in his home, in this apartment.

 

The early morning aura had put him back to sleep and yet he still woke up earlier than the older, he woke Yongguk up with his mouth around his cock, earning a smile when Yongguk’s breathing got heavy and when he woke up he chuckled, gasping, sucking in a breath as he orgasmed inside of that warm mouth. And Daehyun smiled in return.

 

The only reason Yongguk used the shower first is because Yongnam was still in the house, he used that alone time to work off his own arousal, wiping his hand on the soiled sheets that he knows will be changed when it was his turn to shower, Yongguk is so traditional in a way that he refuses to let Daehyun do any real cleaning after sex, the sheets will already be changed and the room aired no matter how fast Daehyun finishes his shower.

 

On his way to the studio, he was smiling, Yongguk stayed back home so he went ahead. His mood was impeccably good today. Sure, this mood won’t last forever. What he has with yongguk… his feelings, they are not the same love Himchan and Jongup shared together, it wasn’t the steady magnetic pool that strings both of them in a loving symbiotic relationship, nor is it the brotherly support system Zelo and Youngjae shares with their every growing circle of friends.

He doesn’t know how to describe what he and Yongguk has, but it doesn’t matter.

 

like the love stories, Yongguk didn’t ask for his heart over a rose and a romantic date, suddenly mending everything together. He was the rock in Daehyun’s unpredictable sea, a place where he could take a break, and lay on his back without fear of the rain or waves. While he is the occasional breeze on Yongguk’s _own_ sea, steady and dark, a ghost of his own, but there’s a comfort there too, knowing they’re looking out on the same horizon, that they know a short one night comfort is _still_ comfort too.

 

And sometimes, one night is all he needs. As Daehyun greets Zelo who’s early, as he went to get some food from the nearest mart with Youngjae, or when he greets Himchan and Jongup who had arrived and taken over the sofa during their absence. He felt happy… sated… Yongguk’s comfort, the brief relief from sex that people likes to judge and call _unhealthy_ , helps to remind him of the pleasure of just being there, together, of embracing the pain of silence so he can feel the joy of company.

 

So, as he practices with just the other four, knowing he would only have one company back at the dorm because the other three would be absent again for the night, he checks his phone for messages and felt his worries soothed away, because there’s a simple text message in their group chat from their leader, of simple encouraging words so short the other just send stickers as a reply. Daehyun smiles, and thanks him back, and shove his phone back to his pocket, walking side by side with Youngjae back to the dorms.

 

This isn’t so bad… he thinks, as the quiet silence fell over them, but he felt no despair, because Youngjae is humming and walking close to him and their hands touched sometimes, Youngjae slapping it away playfully, turning it into a game.

 

Maybe he _is_ wrong. Maybe silence wasn’t such a bad thing after all. It teaches him how to appreciate how Youngjae’s eyes turns into slits when he laughs and how they soften when he looks over to his best friend as they walk together back to their shared, cozy little home.

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda wanna write something with how solemn Daehyun looks when the camera's not looking, he looks like he misses him on stage, they're always a pack after all.  
> Kinda wondering if I should write more about 'em too now..


End file.
